Four points from five matches! Making Steven Naismith
look like Neymar! Already as many Ls this season as in all of last
year! The worst defense in the whole league! One result away from the goddamn relegation zone! We can’t get enough!
Absolutely
nobody could’ve predicted Chelsea pissing away their title defense just a
handful of matches into the season. The unexpectedness of these early
results is matched only by our glee as we watch week to week to see how
the Blues will cough up points this time. And this past weekend’s
spanking at the hands of Everton has been the most enjoyable result yet.
The game
was typical of Chelsea’s 2015-16 campaign so far. The team struggled to
create many chances of real danger, forgot how to deal with even the
most rudimentary of attacks, and found themselves in a losing position
that was perfectly deserved.
Despite
bringing back almost the exact same squad, this team doesn’t look
anything like the one that waltzed to the title with barely any
challenge only a season ago. Nobody has played well. In attack, star
creative players Eden Hazard
and Cesc Fàbregas have oscillated between anonymous and actively
harmful, which has left Diego Costa to run his heart out in search of
through balls and cut backs that never come. The defensive woes have
been even more worrisome, as the entire back line and especially right
back Branislav Ivanović have been downright atrocious.
Now,
there’s no way this terrible form lasts or that Chelsea are in any real
threat of missing the Champions League or something. As poor as the team
has played up till now, the squad is still either the best or second
best in England, and their problems are more cosmetic than fundamental.
Hazard, Costa, and Fàbregas will certainly get back on track sooner or
later, the return of Oscar and his attacking and defensive industry will
add a lot of what they’ve been missing, and a renewed teamwide
commitment to actually harrying and closing down opponents in possession
of the ball instead of leaving the business of defending solely to the
defenders should plug the dam at the back.
Still, the damage has been real. We already thought
Manchester City had opened up an insurmountable lead on the Blues, and
tacking on three more points to that makes it all but certain Chelsea
won’t catch them. Manager José Mourinho always seems to stir up more
shit in his third seasons with his clubs than even his capable hands can
keep from overflowing, and already we’ve seen the trend continue with
an assortment of blowups. (A mean streak which he continued this weekend by getting mad
at Everton boss Roberto Martínez for speaking to the media before him.)
Mourinho keeps talking about how he wants to stay at Chelsea for a
decade but if his previous stints as manager teach us anything, he could
be closer to an exit than anyone suspects.
For all of
that and more, we’ll continue having a hearty laugh at Chelski’s
expense. The bad times certainly won’t last for long, so might as well
relish them while we can.
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